I give up.
I can’t understand why men complain about how complicated women are. It’s not that I won’t admit that we are complicated; it’s simply that men are as well. Wait, let me amend that statement: you are impossible.
Women exert massive quantities of energy on trying to attract men. We subject ourselves to physical pain when we pluck and wax (seriously, men, try getting your privates ripped bare of any hair and get back to me on how much you enjoy it). Our wallets suffer the consequence of beauty binges: we spend our hard-earned cash on all sorts of expensive hair products, makeup, and general primping devices. We waste hours in front of the mirror, perfecting the latest beautification techniques. And it’s all for naught.
My friends are mostly guys, as I’ve stated before. Given such, I’d like to think that I have a slightly better grasp on the male mind than some of my female counterparts. But such a notion would be foolish. I clearly do not. Men are an enigma. You’re difficult and hard-to-please and I think I’m going to just give up.
Women know that we have to play up our strengths and ignore our weaknesses. However, problems arise when we see something as a strength and a man really couldn’t care less. I’ve had a good 7 or 8 years to cultivate and perfect my ability to attract the opposite sex. And I’ve failed miserably. I still can’t even identify men’s trigger points, so how can I ever exploit them??
This seems to be the perfect time for a case-in-point example. Here goes: I was excited about about my super blue eyes. I thought to myself, “well! this will make me stand out!” and then Richard, expert bubble-burster that he is, let me know that my eye color is inconsequential because, frankly, no man is going to look at my eyes when he can look at my breasts. [For the record, Rich is funny and rather sweet, even though he would never admit it, and he was trying to make me laugh. Which he achieved in doing. So he is not an asshole for this comment.] So then I took a good look at my breasts and realized that I’m screwed. They’re not those perky, symmetric silicone numbers that look so perfect. Bollocks (muahahaha).
Want another example? Coming right up! Plenty of men say that they like a little bit of junk in the trunk — “something to hold onto” — and yet they ogle every woman in a size 2. This confuses me. Nay, it bamboozles me! As a woman, if I say that I like something, I like that something. My actions will not directly contradict my words (unless I’m lying in the first place). I don’t think men are lying to me about this, and so I am confused. Because I would understand if a man said, “I like a woman with something to grab onto and I like a woman who is skin & bones”… but that’s not what men say, now is it? And so, again, I am left befuddled.
I think that I’m going to give up. It’s better to not fight the fight than to always lose the battle. The male mind is too complicated a maze to try and muddle my way through. Plus, you are all different; even if I could get a handle on what one man liked, I would still be utterly in the dark about the next man’s preferences.
So now that I’ve reached my conclusion, I realize that this post really has no point at all except to tell all you men to quit yer bitchin’. Stop going on about how complicated we women are when you are just as bad. No, scratch that. You’re worse. Because you pretend to be simple. That’s false advertising and I demand a goddamn refund.
I’m a guy. I don’t have a set prefernce when it comes to many things, every woman is unique I believe. But I’ll say it again, I’m a guy, nature and my brain force me to want a Size 2….but trust me, I’ll be looking long and hard at you nonetheless. Don’t take it as you’re second best or not good enough, it’s that this is how things are supposed to be! We are a fickle minded gender…and trust me, many women are too.
Your eyes look lovely as I’ve told you, many won’t notice, sad, but true. But those that will can appreciate them.
And btw…women do spend lots of money, time on ‘primping’ but it’s not all for men, alot of you enjoy it! (or some of it atleast…) And men try just as hard to impress women, sadly were just not as good at it as you are
I hate to tell you this but it doesn’t matter if you’ve been in the game for 10 or 20 years, we are also all unique, BUT we have norms to our behavior and I’m betting you’ve figured out alot of those already.
That Rich sounds like an asshole.
Actually, I have a huge crush on Rich and I’d much rather he look at my breasts than my eyes.
You know where to send the pics…
I must say I’ve dated a variety of women and honestly I can care less about the size of their breasts or the color of their eyes or the size of their hips. I easily get bored with women, if I find them to be boring, shallow, or self-centered then I tend to tire quickly of them and want to move on. I know it sounds so cliche but I do require intelligence, I do require humor, and I do require some passion. I hate when I find a beautiful girl, great breasts, perfect, face, excellent body, and then she opens her mouth and ruins it all. Call me picky, call me an asshole, but I value the ability to have a decent conversation more than the ability to cause me to drool.
However I don’t want to sound like I would date anything that is witty and intelligent, I don’t want a clone of myself. Her breasts don’t have to be huge however they have to exist, and I actually prefer a set of nice legs over “junk in the trunk”. I suppose it takes a lot to fit my every desire and so far I have been lucky with Meagan but if you really look over the few specifications that I have listed, it isn’t impossible. I’d like to think that guys are simple, feed me, let me break stuff, and console me when I get broken, and I’ll be happy.
Now as for this line, “We subject ourselves to physical pain when we pluck and wax (seriously, men, try getting your privates ripped bare of any hair and get back to me on how much you enjoy it).”, trust me that goes a long way in some peoples books and it can pay back itself a hundred fold. Now that I have been so sappy it is time to go break stuff.
Women are impossibly complicated.
Men are so easy.
LOL - love it!!
It’s so true. Guys always bitch & moan about how women are complicated, we don’t say what we mean, and we don’t mean what we say. They’re just as bad!!
I also LOVE how they can’t fathom why we use so many products to enhance our beauty… and then if we don’t use them all the next day, they tell us we look like we’re coming down with something.
I love your site.
Brain and humor for me… pleace…
@Chris: That is very sweet. Good to know that some men can at least articulate which qualities they find attractive in a woman.
@Danny: No, we’re not. Most women just want to know that we’re the most important in your life. How you show us is up to you.
@Saratica: Could you send me the handbook, please??
@SkylarKD: Haha! Yes! Men are always saying how they like a woman with natural beauty. Of course, they follow that phrase up with, “Damn, woman! You’ve got bags under your eyes today! Didn’t you sleep well?” I love that one. I’m like, “Gee, thanks. That makes me feel naturally sexy.” Although nothing will make me wear makeup. You either like me for me, or you can move on to the next woman.
@Federico: Thank you.
@Rigo: Yes, and yet there are many brainy, funny woman on this planet who want to be in a relationship.
Not gonna speak on behalf of all my gender here. Nothing turns me on like a gal who is smart and witty, and has a wide, enlightened and knowledgeable conversational spectrum. If she is able to grab my attention in that regard, she’ll very much have me wrapped around her finger.
x)