Bitch, Lover, Goddess, Tease
Some songs are fun for awhile: we hear them, we love them, we play them on continuous loop, and then we grow bored of them. Other songs, however, latch onto our hearts and enter our repertoire of music that we will enjoy forever. Sometimes, it’s the beat that does it for us. Other times, it’s the lyrics that call out to us. And occasionally, a song will be always special because of the memories and emotions it evokes in us.
I was 14 when Meredith Brooks’ Bitch hit the airwaves. I immediately loved the song and insisted upon playing it at high volume — dancing around my room, singing like a crazy person — to my mother’s furious objections. Even at that young age, I recognized a bit of myself in her lyrics: a woman cannot be labeled as this or that or even described as a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Because women possess the unique ability to be something and its opposite, both at the same time.
People tell me I’m sweet. They think I’m innocent. They think I’m kind. And you know what? I can be those things. But I hate when people make these assumptions because, when we label someone, we unconsciously decide what kind of person they are and how they will react in certain situations. And the problem is, I’m not always sweet or always innocent (allow me to please laugh) or always kind. I can be a bitch and I can be naughty and I can most definitely be nasty at times. But people don’t seem to get that.
I really should print out a disclaimer to be distributed to every person I meet:
Warning: Erin is and is not what she seems. Make no assumptions, draw no conclusions, and squash all postulations.
It might be a bit awkward to carry a crapload of those around in my bag, but it’s almost worth it. As any businessperson knows, it’s very important to create realistic expectations. So here we are: I am stating it for the record, debunking myths, and quoting chick rock: I am not what you think. No woman is. We’re multi-layered, multi-faceted, and chalk-full of opposing characteristics.
And I know this makes us difficult to understand. How can we be gentle, but assertive? How can we need your protection, but be so capable of fending for ourselves? How can we vacillate between two opposites? Because we just can.
As the lyrics say:
[I] tried to tell you
but you look at me like maybe I’m an angel underneath
innocent and sweet
…
So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I’m going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won’t mean a thing
…
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your health, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
…
I’m a bitch, I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
We are angels, we are devils. We are weak, we are strong. We need you, we need no one. We are women. Please stop labeling us and just learn to love us.
excellent post; thanks.
and best wishes with your big move.
Good luck down in CR– the girls there may get jealous, but they are hardly ever bitches…
@Deb - Welcome! And thank you.
@JJ - Not quite sure how to take your comment. I believe you may have misread my tone… Bitch, in this sense, is not negative. It’s empowering. It’s nice not to have to fit into a perfect little ladylike box. Also, sorry to disagree, but I highly doubt that there is any culture anywhere that has women or men who are not bitchy.
Well, I am really wondering about your “bitch being empowering” comment. While, being bitchy is a temporary, transient state [that is, by the way, socially unnaceptable], and the aftermath of any such event (by man or woman) REQUIRES an apology. A bitch is person who feels it is acceptable to ignore or denegrate basic human civility. Neither man, women nor child should be required to be subjected to that.
“Bitch,” as I have chosen to use and define the word, has nothing to do with the denegration of basic human civility. Such a quality certainly merits a gender-neutral noun, don’t you think?
“Bitch” is a term spat at women who display certain character traits: Strong, assertive women get labeled as bitches because they are not submissive pushovers. Take the cliché: a businesswoman at work, dressed in a power suit, making tough decisions, delegating tasks… she’s often called a bitch because of her no-nonsense attitude. Her male equivalent is just a good businessman. [In fact, some might classify this response as bitchy, as I am standing up for myself, asserting my opinion, and not acquiescing to you.]
Of course, the above is not true in all cases, as no generalization is. But insofar as I understand it, Brooks’ song attempts to take the term “bitch,” and turn it around to make it a positive one. She’s not referring to the what you referenced: as I said, such behavior can be better described with other nouns and adjectives. Brooks, and I, use the noun in this case to describe a woman who does not allow herself to be walked upon: a woman who is confident, strong, and independent. A woman who doesn’t fit into the description of a “perfect lady.” And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I stand by my comment. If a man treats me in the manner you believe you are entitled to treat others, I will ensure they are never again part of my life. If they are my boss, I will quit. Men do not have the luxury you imagine we do. It is clear to me we will never agree, so let’s just leave it at that.
Deal.
Hi dear,
I just love your ideas.They are so ‘mature’ and thoughtful.Could you please allow me to post your blog in my new blog? I would be honored.Thanks