Is it really that time again?
There’s nothing like a birthday to make you feel unaccomplished. Every year, like clockwork, May 19th rolls around and I feel as if I have little to show for the last 365 days of my life.
When we’re little, we dream big and we want much. We set goals for ourselves, ranging from learning how to ride a bike to getting all A’s on our finals. And if we’re human, we think a little farther into the future, as well. We imagine what we’ll be like when we’re 20, 25, 30. We dream of being grown up: of jobs with no homework, of coming home at night to someone who loves us, and of the kind of parents we’ll be.
24 is not old, so why do I feel like time is running out? I don’t compare myself to my friends, because we’re all different people, living different lives under different circumstances. But when I look around at both the people I’ve known for decades and the ones I’ve just met, I see men and women who are working and achieving. They’re getting married, buying houses, and starting families. All the things I dreamed I’d be doing when I was 24.
But here I am, with very shallow roots, in a foreign country. It’s a fresh start, but there is a black cloud to this silver lining: it’s scary to be without my family and the friends who have known me since before I needed a bra. Beginning again means that I have to start at the bottom ladder rung. It’s like I’m 18 all over again, with the world and my future in front of me. But it’s not. I’ve already done the college thing, had my first job, and lived by myself. I just have nothing to show for it.
I am happy with the past year, as hard as that is for me to remember sometimes. I gained job experience, legally freed myself from the shackles of a bad marriage, and finally moved to the country that’s been in my heart for 8 years. It’s been a good year, but now I need to get my butt in gear. It’s time to be an adult and work toward my goals. I need to be a little more serious, a little more selfless, and a lot more hard-working. I guess I need to be more mature. After all, I am in my mid-twenties.
[And just for fun, here’s last year’s birthday post.]
Did I mention Happy Birthday on IM? Well…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
It’s the 3rd anniversary of your 21st birthday or in your case, the 6th anniversary of your 18th birthday so either way you’ll always be young. If not in numbers then at least at heart. That’s what matters isn’t it? Who you are, not what one circle around the sun can tell you.
Happy Birthday! It’s weird because I asked Lisa if your birthday was coming up because I always know that there are birthdays coming up, I just can’t remember when. This was yesterday, and holla! it’s your birthday today.
DUDE. You are so not old. Old is grey hair, old is kids, old is when your body hurts. You have a long way to go baby. I appreciate your striving for something bigger and better, as that is something that we all do. You’re going to make it hun. You have a great job, and there is no doubt that something new will find you soon. You are passionate, hardworking, and not to mention s m R t, entonces no tengo ni puta de duda que vas a encontrar algo nuevo muy pronto. También recuerda que estás en Costa Rica, y eso es algo muy feliz. Estoy muy celosa que no puedo estar contigo en este momento tan feliz, porque es el día de tu nacimiento! ¡Que dicha que nació Erin desde hace 24 años! Gracias a su madre y padre por esta persona tan generosa y amable.
*MUAH*
I left Australia when I was 25, just sold up and gave away all my crap and left. For about a year and a half *all* of my posessions fitted in a suitcase and a backpack.
Now I have a great apartment, a kitten (actually my second, since the puta in 48 stole my first), a second family, new friends and loads of junk.
As long as you can make friends and money you can start over again anywhere you want. Costa Rica’s at the top of my list for places to bother starting over.
Erin! Happy happy Birthday!! Life is but a continuous journey, hey? The “old” thing doesn’t matter if you are still growing, I like to say…
h *honey*… don’t worry. i sit here & think sometimes about how i always envisioned my life and i remember lelaina (winona ryder) in ‘reality bites’: “i was gonna BE someone by the ripe old age of 23.” & then i think about my parents & my parents’ friends & my friends who are older. no one knows what the hell they’re doing. they’re totally all trying to figure it out too. you’ve gotta find what makes you happy & do it as long as it still works. if it stops doing that, stop. and that’s as far as i’ve gotten. i am so proud of you for striking out on your own in a country that we both love but which, frankly, scares me a little. you’ve done nothing that you need to be ashamed of, and honestly, i’m very impressed at how you’ve handled yourself, thusfar (yes, even that bad marriage). you are smart & beautiful & on the day after your birthday (i know, i fail), i want to tell you, “the only person you have to be is yourself.” (*that was ethan hawke’s response, anyway) welcome to 24.
Happy Belated Birthday, glad to hear that everything is doing well down there and you have settled in rather well. Congrats with everything!
Happy birthday!
“I guess I need to be more mature” I think you are enough mature to know what you want in your life. Many people lack that maturity and they are really like clones living a life that´s not what they really want.
You have the key to decide what you want: you.
Erin, guess what?? I found a gray hair yesterday. As Lisa says, that means old
I left Northern Virginia when I was 24 to get married in Spain. I also had my first child when I was 24, and left behind everything that was familiar to me. I feel like I´ve lived too fast, grown up and matured way too quickly. Take it easy Erin, enjoy this wonderful experience of life… you´ll have plenty of time for the serious stuff. Our lives all develop differently, let it take it´s own course.
P.S. Í just turned 37…now that´s scary!
@Edrei: Haha, thank you, that’s a good way to look at it! My parents’ last birthday was 39: every year after that, they were a 39.01, 39.02, etc. I think I’ll adopt this practice, too!
@Josh: Ooh, freaky! Must be some psychic thing.
@elle.: What about 1 out of 3? My body always aches when I do stuff. And just about every joint cracks. What now, woman?!
@Ben: It’s certainly been a wonderful place for me to start over again… I love it here, even though it’s not perfect. And haha @ “the puta in 48″. Classic!
@Esther: Thank you, and I’m sure you’re right, though it’s hard to get my heart to believe what my head says is true.
@Liz: LOL, you do not fail. Thanks for the encouragement!
@Chris: Thanks! Still planning on coming down for Spring Break ‘08?
@Enrique: Yes, but knowing what I want while I sit around and complain about not having it isn’t really the maturity I’d like to have.
Point well taken, though!
@Dana: If my hair weren’t dyed, I’m sure I could find some on my head, too!
@From Spain: I have grown up fast, too (even though I don’t have a husband or a baby to show for it). I think that may be why I feel like I’m behind: my emotional age is older than 24, and I feel like I should be further along in my life. But I’m tryin greally hard to “take it easy” and enjoy life. It’s just hard, sometimes. (And 37 isn’t old, especially considering all you’ve done in your life!)
If I can swing the airfare I think I might, it’d be a hell of a lot of fun. Now time to find out how to stow-away aboard an airplane. Perhaps I should ship myself in a crate?
I’d try going freight. If you pay, at least there’s no chance of being thrown overboard halfway over the Caribbean if you’re found out.
wow…I missed this somehow….belated b’day wishes Erin. Hope the next 365 are 10x better than you can ever imagine.
Happy Birthday!
To an extent, I understand how you are feeling. I saw it in writing that I am turning 22 in a few months, and I was like, “22?!?!? How can this be? I don’t want to grow up! I don’t want to graduate from school!” It feels like real life is too real.