We’re told that love is patient and kind. Love is selfless and pure. Love is the most special, beautiful emotion that we’re gifted with experiencing in our lives. And yet, the language of love seems to contradict and defy all that love is supposed to be.
I’m yours. Be mine. My man. Your girl. Words show our obsession with possessing the object of our desire. But love isn’t about possession. It’s a commitment that is not demanded, but freely given. So why do I hold my partner’s hand a little tighter when an attractive woman throws a glance his way? Why does he pull me protectively toward him when a man’s eyes linger a moment too long on my decolletage? The answer is simple: love is complicated.
Love is powerful and the composite of several emotions. We feel happiness, ecstasy, trust, and comfort. Love consumes our faculties and invades our senses. We invite it to come in and wrap itself around our hearts. We give completely of ourselves and we are vulnerable.
But vulnerability is not something society finds acceptable. We are taught to fight against it, fortify our weaknesses, and make ourselves stronger. So when we find ourselves exposed and emotionally naked, we feel scared and out of control. Our brains — though never an expert in matters of the heart — attempt some emotional damage control and we become possessive: If I give you my heart, give me yours, as well. At least then, I’ll have control over something.
But this isn’t love. This is insecurity and fear. Completely normal human emotions, but unwelcome with regard to love. Love — true love — is pure. There aren’t ulterior motives and we don’t feel as though we were sacrificing something, not even ourselves. There is no need for possession in true love because I really am yours and you really are mine. We are each other’s. We take care of each other, we love each each other freely, and there is no fear. There’s no need for control.
This kind of love is rare, I’ll admit. It takes a giant leap of faith, a scary dose of trust, and two very large hearts. And while it may be the best case scenario, it is possible and it exists. I wouldn’t settle for anything less. Would you?
[My thanks to Shrish for helping me work out my thoughts on this matter.]
You explain it so well. I have found my true love and yes I think it is rare. Unfortunately many people have to settle for less, true love is hard to come upon.
Wow, you are way more eloquent that I am in this matter. Maybe its because I use the language of the mind, rather than the heart.
That ulterior motives thing gets really, sorely in the way doesn’t it? I don’t know, I think to be with that person who really makes you want to be a better person for (because when you’re feeling insecure it’s not because he gave you any warning you should be afraid, but that you know you’re acting like an idiot). Trust is such a curious thing, including our individual capacities for it.
El amor es lo mas intenso y maravilloso de la vida…
lo importante es saber vivirlo dia a día…. solo asi seremos felices!!m
@From Spain: You’re so right, but I absolutely refuse to “settle” for less… I think I’d always be out there, looking for the slightly greener grass, and that wouldn’t be fair to me or the man with whom I had settled.
@Shrish: Haha, eloquence. You’re silly. And don’t even go there: I’ve read your words and you writing is fantastic.
@Esther: Agreed. I’m with someone right now and I trust him implicitly, which is such a wonderful feeling. He also silently (and sometimes not-so-silently
) encourages me to grow into a better, stronger, more compassionate woman.
@Fabi: Si lo es, tenés toda la razón. Q dicha q finalmente lo hemos encontrado, vdd?
Like a clock. The sound of true love ticks in the heart.
@Lamar: Very profound. And very true.