American Idiot
When you move to a foreign country, the most important thing to take with you is a sense of humor. I assure you that you’ll need it because life is about throw at you everything it can muster and then, when you think you just can’t take anymore, it’ll hit you with a big, fat, slightly rotten guava because, well, you looked like you needed it. So with this in mind, I special ordered a sense of humor from the Sears catalog (page 42) before I moved to Costa Rica, knowing full well that I would be facing more than a few cultural conundrums, language lapses, and situational snafus. I wasn’t wrong.
Living in Costa Rica sometimes makes me feel like a kid again, but unfortunately, it’s in all the wrong ways: I feel clumsy and out of place, unable to navigate an unfamiliar culture. Like a child, I have to ask how to behave in everyday situations: How do you politely answer the telephone? When I greet an acquaintance on the street, what is the common salutation? Should I wait for a verbal invitation to enter a home, or is it implied? And, I’m sorry, did you tell me to eat that flower? If I didn’t ask these questions, I could certainly live my life, but I’d always stand out like a sore thumb, and that is far from being my goal.
Over the last few months, my cultural gaffs have decreased somewhat, making way for more humorous situations that I like to label gringa moments. They can be mistakes of my own, or simply be surprises encountered when living in a new country, but they almost always turn into those stories that you’re not able to laugh about in the moment, but given some time, retell with tears of laughter running down your face.
- During my first month here, a giant backyard tree dropped fruit all over the ground, almost begging me to take a bite. Emila, my landlady, told me that it was cas, a bitter but delicious fruit perfect for blending into a drink. So, armed with a blender, water, and an unhealthy amount of sugar, I made my first fruit drink, slightly confused and turned off by the blender carnage: chunky cas bits (pits, seeds, and skin) that floated around in my glass. About 5 months and hundreds of glasses of cas juice later, I was informed (through streaming tears of laughter) that one has to strain the juice before drinking it. Yeah, I knew that.
- Unused to the auto-locking doors and gates in Costa Rica, I inadvertently locked myself out of my home one morning. Of course, I had to do so at 9 a.m. on the one day that my neighbors weren’t going to be home all day. I was without my computer (and therefore my work), without a cell phone, without an extra key, and even without shoes. I considered my options and, after determining that I had none, I walked barefoot to my backyard gate, scaled my wall MacGyver-style, and broke into my neighbors’ house, nearly tearing it apart in my search for the key to my own. My neighbors later told me where the hide-a-key was, after praising my wall climbing skill and general lack of shame at having the Costa Ricans watch my gringa butt break into her own home.
- I like a clean house, though I hate to sweep and mop, so I always ask that people take their shoes off when they pass the threshold of the front door. My Costa Rican guests usually reacted to my request with a slightly puzzled expression, and then hesitant compliance, placing their shoes on my welcome mat and gingerly stepping inside. Fast-forward to February, a month into my stay, when I found a HUGE, HAIRY, LIVE tarantula in my shower. (This is even more terrifying given that I am legally blind without my glasses and you know you can’t shower with your glasses on, leaving a blind me to step into her poisonous spider-infested shower.) So yes, my tico friends, I get it now. New policy is that you may wear shoes inside… even in the shower. I do.
- The culture of compliments is different in Costa Rica, and a gringa’s got to prepare herself: Waiters call you mami (sexy mama, more or less), taxi drivers call you mi amor (my love), and your boyfriend will rave about big ass and piernotas (big legs), lovingly christening you his gordita (little fatty). These are not just acceptable nicknames, but highly flattering (tell a tica that she’s got a huge, jiggly culote and she’ll shake it with pride). Being who I am, though, I have instructed my boyfriend to steer clear of the adjectives grande (big) and gorda (fat), but to liberally sprinkle in princesa (princess), ___ de mi vida (___ of my life), and anything with the diminutive -ita (small) . He thinks it’s pretty funny. I think it’s pretty serious. We make it work by talking about my culito (little butt, thank you very much).
Cultural differences can be a curse or one big bag of laughs. I, for one, have chosen to go with the later, chalking up uncomfortable moments to language miscommunications and cultural misunderstandings, filing them under the category of Lessons Learned. And though I’m sure that I’ll be learning for the rest of my life, at least I’ll have a bunch of humorous anecdotes to tell the grandchildren.
OMG! Um, is the tarantula considered a “curse” or “big bag of laughs?” I’m afraid that would have sent me right back to the airport, hon. I can relate to the miscommunications and cultural misunderstandings since I’m an expat too, but that would have sent me right over the edge, so thank goodness there are no tarantulas in Germany! You’re one brave lady!
And, how did we get the little miss out of our shower??
That tarantula looks huge, should have put a leash on it and walked it up and down the block. In regards to the cas juice, should have just told them you like your drinks with a little crunch in them. Finally added you to an RSS reader so I can keep track of things
Culture, culture, culture… is different.. but for this reason it’s interesting at the same time!!!
Definetly, I will not bother you with the “gordita” or “culote” tico expressions, no no. I really want to stay alive….. but with the other ones, I will!!
This is crazy CR, a land full of “piropos”, “versos”, “apodos” and really much more…
That’s one big freaking spider. Most spiders don’t bother me much, but I do believe I would have ran out of the bathroom upon seeing that thing.
What do female waitresses call men? Do they have rather feisty terms for them as well?
@dreamweaver: Well, now it’s considered a “big bag of laughs”! At the time, I didn’t think it was one bit funny and, as I said, was terrified of stepping on one. I couldn’t even get into my bed for weeks without checking under covers, pillows, etc. Now, though, I just pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for facing Aragog and coming out on the winning side (that’s something to smile about!). And how’d I get that huge sucker out? With Tupperwear. Because, oh yes, that is how I roll.
@Chris: I do believe you had a similar reaction the first time I tarantula blogged.
And I’m so excited about being a part of your RSS aggregation! Woohoo.
@Fabi: You are a smart, smart man. <3, your pequeñita y flaquita. (Haha, I crack myself up.)
@Josh: Yes, he was big. Probably 6 inches in diameter, including his legs. And he was fury. And, GET THIS, he hissed!! But he is no more, so there. Women are less… assertive… than men are, and as far as I know, they don’t really have names for men. At least none that I’ve heard of. Sorry to dash your hopes!
A giant hissing spider. Wonderful. I’ll stay here in Ohio, thanks…
And - alas! Indeed, I was hoping to head down there to have some beautiful female waitress address me as “big sexy man” or something similar. Dasher of hopes, you are!
That spider is huge!!!! So much for the itsy-bitsy spider.
Tupperware??? I don’t think I could have done that either. My kids and I are sitting here laughing about what I’d have done had we been in the same situation, and I think (had I not grabbed my suitcase and headed directly for the airport) I’d have run outside after closing the bathroom door and waited for help, or called the fire department or…something. A giant hissing spider. Yeah, I’ll stay in Germany, thanks, and I probably won’t complain about the silver dollar size spiders we get in the house anymore, either.
And isn’t it funny that I thought the spider a female, and you thought of it as male??
you are an awesome writer. i appreciate being able to read this (and relate to this) as i avoid writing my spanish paper due in just a few short hours. man i just want to be back. and btw, i had one of those tarantulas in my bathroom too. i always wore shoes.
Cultural misunderstanding are a lot of fun. Several years ago when I was living in San Pedro with a home stay family I was eating dinner with my Tico Mom and her two daughters. I was telling them about what had happened to me at school that day. I tried to retell my story of how I was walking through the cafeteria at the school and I slipped and took a spill in front of a bunch of people. As I tried to explain the story I finished by trying to say how embarrassed I was, but it didn’t come out exactly how I wanted. I said “Estoy muy embarasado” (I’m extremely pregnant). All three of the woman were cracking up and one of them literally shot juice through her nose. It added to my earlier embarrassment at school, but we all got a really good laugh!! Así es el proceso de aprender y experimentar otra idioma y cultura.
erin ~ a tarantula, eeeeek! i don’t blame you for doing anything and everything to find that key. i also love the diminuitive
i look forward to catching you up with a message soon — is there an address i can mail you?
back in virginia, i’m surrendering to the gorgeous fall season (it’s my favorite, and i want to say your’s, too!), with the cool breeze and what feels like infinitely illuminated blue sky. breathe in deep all the fresh air around you, look forward to writing soon!
love & fresh apple cider sips your way.
ps — your post reminded me of my english composition course in my first-year of college: autobiography & anecdote! one of my fave classes. quick — could you explain what abc costing and FIFO are, again
Besides telling you to strain the juice, did they warn you cas may have lots of little worms in it?
These cultural misunderstandings is probably the most amusing part of the blog. I’ll call these gringuitica moments. Whether it be making your special smoothie concoction (with seeds and pits included) or bringing out the inner Macgyver in you (I can’t believe you remember that show) or spending quality time with nature’s wildlife (the crazy thing about this is that even with impending doom within inches of you, you still had it in you take snap a photo of your maker…priceless), it is these stories that keep me coming back for me. As for the compliments, if i ever tried telling a latina in america she was a gordita, all i can see if happening is her boot to my glute. Anyways, thanks for sharing!
@Josh: They may still call you “big, sexy man”, just not out of cultural habit… isn’t it better that way?!
@Christina: Nope, not so itsy bitsy!
@dreamweaver: Well, everyone I knew was either at work or out, so I had to deal with it on my own. There was no way I was going to leave a tarantula to wander about my shower and, eventually, my home. As they say, drastic times call for drastic measures!
@Talia: Thank you! And how nice to know that I’m not the only one with the terrifying arachnids in my home. Heh. Good luck with your paper, chiquita.
@Brian: I’ve made the “embarazada” mistake, too… I was 16 at the time and meeting my then-boyfriend’s friends for the first time. I first made the mistake of telling them I was exitada (”horny”, not “excited”) to meet them, and when I realized what I had said, out slipped that I was embarazada (again, that’s “pregnant”, not “embarrassed”) for my mistake. Yeah, that meeting went real well.
@Jehan: Well, if you’re talking email, it’s just erin [at] gringuitica [dot] com, but if you’d like my mailing address, just shoot me a line. I used to hate fall, you know, because my parents made me rake leaves. When I got older and moved out, I liked autumn very much because it was cool and beautiful, and no raking was necessary!
@Esmit: Eww, no! I knew that guayabas had worms (it still weirds me out to scoop them out!), but not cas! Now I wonder if the chunky bits really were just pit and skin.
That makes me want to vomit…
@Darwin: I think I like “gringuitica moments”… has a bit of a ring to it! To clear a few things up, though: I don’t remember MacGyver because I never watched it. I was too involved with my Barbie dolls! Also, the snapping of a photo was not for documentation purposes, but rather because I thought my only hope might be to snap the photo, upload it to the Internet, and make Fabi look at it to tell me whether it would kill me or not. In the end, I opted not to do this because I was afraid it would crawl out of the tub and into my bed before I got a response.
Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. I can’t tell you how much it is appreciated!
Erin, you are hilarious and I miss you. Your cas juice tastes normal to me.
I miss you too, elle! And thank you, but I think you were as much of a cas newbie as I, so we were both just idiots together.
Erin said: tell a tica that she’s got a huge, jiggly culote and she’ll shake it with pride
dont agree… you could die if you want to look like a player with some girls… actually there is a law that could send you to jail for 2 years, if a girl thinks that your “compliment” was understood as an insult she can make a formal complaint you ARE in troubles.
I’m not sure if that new law applies to compliments/comments, Verny… I thought it was more directed aimed at domestic abuse (physical and verbal, I know). As far as I know, telling someone that she has a sexy butt isn’t an insult.
However, even if it is, I was more referring to admiring your girlfriend’s culo. In CR, ticas understand that culote means sexy, but to English speakers, it just sounds like an insulting translation for “huge [ugly] ass”. A cultural difference, for sure!
I was not talking about the new law, it is another one. I this law it is not accept to say a thing to a girl (you can do it if you want, but you are running the risk that she thinks that you said is offensive and make complaint against you)…
As a confidence relationship you could say some stuff to your couple but it doesn’t mean you are free to say that to a girl in the street (and that’s my point) because not all of them could be happy to hear that… actually most of the girls i know hate when a stranger pays them a compliment
I agree with that. I don’t like the catcalls on the street, either! They’re disgusting and men are better to keep their mouths shut.
That said, this post was meant to be amusing, and I certainly am not advocating telling random women that you’d like to tap it. I was more referring to my particular situation and that fact that I do not have culote, but rather a sexy culito. As I said, a joke!