Building A Better Me
They say that 30-50% of expatriates in Costa Rica move back home within a year. Who are those unknown Experts? I don’t know, but it’s the statistic that gets thrown around the local expat community. For most, there is but one reason. We hear it, we fear it, we wait for it: the culture shock beast that beats up when we’re already down and shows no mercy to its prey. We face a foreign language spoken far too rapidly to be made up of individual words, a culture where our North American patience just barely outweighs tico impatience, and roads that have potholes large enough to swallow a small car. It’s a long, uphill battle and while there’s no shame in going home — cultural assimilation can be a difficult mountain to climb — those of us who make it to the summit are treated to an incredible view.
Culture shock, and its ensuing frustrations, is a right of passage and a growing experience. In exchange for living in a country as beautiful and varied as Costa Rica, we have to adapt and relearn how life works. Of course, every expat takes a different journey, but when we come out on the readjusted end of the tunnel, we are changed. And our reaction to this change is a likely indicator of our staying power in Costa Rica.
I truly believe that everyone, regardless of location or situation, is constantly learning life’s gentle lessons. But living here puts us on an accelerated path, and we decide which streets to take. When presented with the clash between old and new, each expat will in turn recreate himself, fine-tuning a mixture of what we grew up loving and what we are now learning to love.
Fourteen months into my move and several huecos in the road later, I have finally given myself up to this country. For over a year, its culture has tugged on my heartstrings and urged me to step out of my shell. Gone are the days when I worried about the Joneses’ latest acquisitions or dreamed of a home with a separate wing for visiting family. In their place, simplicity and gratitude have taken root: my one bedroom loft apartment is not small, but rather “easy to clean”; a sixteen-hour bus ride is well worth the savings of a few hundred dollars in airfare; a soul is washed clean by a breathtaking view and a gulp of mountain air.
I don’t want to oversimplify my fears and frustrations, so I admit that everyday is an effort. On the bad days, I just want to put my head in a pillow and scream until I lose my voice. On the really bad days, the only thing to assuage my feelings is a good stomp around the city, letting the world feel my wrath. But on the good days — most days — I continue in this self-exploration, challenging myself to build a better Erin. I feel so lucky to be here, cultivating the culture of Me. And now, more than ever, I feel like a true gringuitica.
building a better me…. i love the title. i totally feel like we’re on the same page, but maybe that’s because you visited me last weekend!
Potholes? What potholes?! x)
You ARE a true “gringuitica” and a very fine friend to boot.
Lovely writing, perfect photograph.
Erin, that was very nicely said. As an expat in India, if there’s one thing I understand–it’s culture shock. I truly believe it takes at least a year, maybe even more, to adjust to living in a developing country or a country that is not as developed as your own. I do understand why people give up and return “home.” The life of an expat is not for everyone. I’m looking forward to reading more about your adventures in Costa Rica.
Kind regards,
Danielle Barkhouse
www.expatarc.com
Yes, I agree with all your feelings! Now you are a real gringuitica…. keeping the best of 2 worlds in your life!
Really nice post!!!
Wow Erin,
What an inspiring post, and love the photo! I stumbled on your blog while researching information on Costa Rica as I had started following a blog called Costa Rica HQ and wanted to find out more about the country. It has been interesting reading various blogs and reading about peoples different experiences with living in Costa Rica. I plan to initally visit the country, but am not ruling out the possibility of living there some day. I have lived in other countries and initially would have found it a complete culture shock but as time went by, I began to embrace my new culture, stopped making comparisons to where I had come from, and only then did I truly start to enjoy the experience. Many of my friends gave up and went home but now have regrets that they didn’t stay on. Experiencing new cultures is an awesome thing and one can learn so much and each new experience develops us more as a person. I loved your comment on simplicity and gratitude. I have reached this in my life. There was a time when I too would have worried about the Joneses’ but now I focus on me, making myself a better person, and experiencing true happiness. Looking forward to more of your adventures Erin.
Thank you for the raw openness with which you expressed yourself. I moved from Miami to Connecticut and felt an extreme culture shock. I ended up moving back to Florida six years later and I am truly changed. I actually miss Connecticut, even after thinking I never would. Your writing is fresh and inspiring. I’ve been reading about this guy who just moved their not to long ago. His blog is called Costa Rica HQ. He speaks of the beauty of CT and the challenges to, but not to the extent that you do. Thanks again and I look forward to more of your writing.
Beautifully put. Hear, hear! I just started going to the gym every morning with my new friend, Barbara, who has been hear since she was 11 (so 39 years). She was saying that, as an expat growing up here, you learn not to attach to people until they are here for a few years. Too many people come and go to get attached, heartbreak waiting to happen. Makes it hard to “bond” here in the first two years, no one will really commit to being your friend. But now that we are past that, we understand…
Me again. I’ve switched to Yahoo from Google and can’t find a way to subscribe via rss feed via anything but google… am I doing something wrong? when I click the rss feed button, I only have google as an option…
i just love your pictures, Costa Rica seems like a wonderful place, except for the potholes of course. I have been researching my move here and ran into another blog with some interesting stories at Costa Rica HQ that has been helpful.
I liked what Fabi said, to keep the best of two worlds in your life.
Great post.
Rick
@elle: I think talking things out helped me clarify my thoughts.
@Oscar: There was this great story I once heard from a friend about learning what a Costa Rican hueco was: She & her friend were in a taxi and the driver had said that a hueco was coming up. They didn’t know what that meant, so they asked. The driver thought that it would be a perfect learning opportunity, so he proceeded to hit every, single pothole and yell out HUECO!! each time, just so that they’d really get it into their heads. Safe to say that my friend will never forget.
@Simon: Thank you!
@Danielle: Thanks for stopping by! I would imagine that a move to India would be even more jarring and adjustment-inducing than a move to CR, so I definitely look forward to reading more of your adventures.
@Fabi: That’s the idea… we’ll create our own culture, a mix of our favorites.
@Mary: I am so glad to finally be into this phase of simplicity/gratitude - it’s such a nicer place to be. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in felling this way, either! And since you’ve embraced this as well and can let go of some “amenities,” then I’d say you’ll do well here in CR. Give it a try — a long visit — and see what you think.
@Amelia: Thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed my post. I understand completely where you’re coming from: when I was 18, I moved from suburban Philadelphia to rural Virginia - just about as big a change as I can imagine!
@Saratica: When I first arrived, I made friends with many gringos… I felt we had a lot in common, dealing with the same feelings. Unfortunately, most of their stays here were brief, and I had to say goodbye to my newfound friends. I now insulate myself and try to make friends that have “staying power.” With regards to your feed issues: I think this site may help.
@Rick: Thank you! I have trouble properly incorporating photos into my posts, so I’m working on that. Good luck on your research & subsequent move and please hang around if you’d like!
I have begun to find fascination in the number Americans that now live in Costa Rica. I must have read a dozen blogs about that in the last two days.
Two that I specifically recall are Costa Rica HQ and one called yo-yoinparadise. They are both by Americans that moved to Costa Rica.
They are all passionate advocates of how great a place Costa Rica is to live.
Is there a large American population there now? Do many live together and are there “American” areas? Is there an expat community or communities? Are there any expat organizations in Costa Rica that keeps everyone together?
Scott S.
Scott: Are you thinking about making a move, or just interested in what it was like for those that have? As far as I know, there are quite a few US expats here, though I can’t give an exact number. As for keeping track of them all, some make themselves present in the blogosphere, in various expat groups, or through the American Embassy, and others prefer to just slip away into the Costa Rica ether.
To all of you, thank you for your time and comments. I took a look at Costa Rica HQ, and I’m just curious how you found your way to me from there? I didn’t see a link, so curiosity is getting the best of me.
LOL! That’s a sure fire way to learn, if there’s one. That reminds me of something that happened to my friend Harry. He took a cab during his first visit to Costa Rica and told the driver that he wanted to see the countryside sights. Apparently, the driver was a bit careless and hit a pothole while driving at a considerable speed. Harry used to tell me that the taxi jumped in the air, and that he hit the roof with his head. “Only thing I still, to this day, thank God for -Harry would say- is that I didn’t had my dentures on that day!”
What a lovely story very inspiring! I’ve been researching the net for info about this country which we plan to visit and have a vacation. Having checked Costa Rica HQ very detailed on what to expect but yours was pretty inspiring.
Thanks a lot for sharing i did enjoy reading!
Hey Erin, as usual a great blog entry.
Thanks for telling the world how hard times can be turned into fun and on top of that enable you to be a better person ie, adapting to a culture shock in pleasant way.
Looking forward to your other adventures.